Chris Mackie: Burning a disc

From time to time, protesters gather outside the Parliament here in an (often vain) attempt to directly influence the policy makers as they enter or leave the building.


A couple of weeks back it was the doughty Scotland Against Crooked Lawyers crew, armed with placards, posters and an in-depth leaflet detailing the supposed injustices of Scottish Law. I happened to pass the group as former lawyer David McLetchie made his way through the crowd and into his waiting taxi, with a look of bemusement mixed with sheer terror on his face.


Today as I entered the building, a single rain-soaked chap huddling under an umbrella thrust a sodden flyer into my hand. He was, the leaflet informs me, from a group called Green Alternatives to Incineration in Scotland who are opposed to the burning of waste. They have now released a song on itunes to publicise their fight by a mysterious looking chap by the name of Ro J. I don't know if that is pronounced "Rawj" or "Row - Jay", but he has kindly allowed a section of the lyrics to the track - "It was Madness to Burn Our Waste" - to appear on this publication.


You have to admire the leafleteer's dedication to the cause, but I stop at admiring the lyrical skills of "Ro J", which frankly leave a lot to be desired.



You be the judge:



Verse 1

In this world of insanity,

We just need a little purity,

We are sick with pollution,

And we don't want their solution,

We're not asking for charity,

All we want is some clarity,

Burning waste for the sake of wealth,

Makes no sense if you lose your health.

Chris Mackie: 30 years on again (2)

There was a fair smattering of blue rinses and pinstripe suits in evidence at the Signet Library last night as a packed house settled to watch some political pugilism over Margaret Thatcher's legacy on the 30th anniversary of her election victory. Debating the motion "Margaret Thatcher did more good than harm for Scotland" were some political heavyweights marshalled by the affable presence of referee/chairman, Bernard Ponsonby.

In the blue corner sat Malcolm Rifkind - holder of ministerial office for the entire span of the last Tory government, - and David McLetchie - a self confessed Conservative foot soldier in 1979 - lined up to defend Maggie's legacy, looking every inch the Conservative politicians they are.

In the red and yellow corner were "Wee" Brian Wilson - a former Labour MP and secretary of state for energy - and Jim Sillars - the former deputy leader of the SNP, who ribbed Malcolm Rifkind about being the "former Governor General of Scotland". Sillars was cheered on by wife Margo MacDonald, sat, disconcertingly for the Tories on the panel, directly in front of the lectern in an unmissable floral blouse, ready to offer them withering looks when required. There was even an icy Margo stare and sharp retort directed at her husband when he declared that he was, along with Brian Wilson, one of the only two socialists in Edinburgh.

Before each speaker got into the meat of his argument, however, they took the opportunity to warm up the crowd with some humorous banter - each of them pretty successfully it has to be said. But whose humorous banter landed the knockout blow? You be the judge:

Malcolm Rifkind:

"Brian Wilson and I are both former ministers and when you retire as a minister it's quite traumatic. The best definition I heard of what retirement means for a minister is 'when you climb into the back of your car and it doesn't go anywhere'."

Brian Wilson:

"It is a great pleasure to line up against Malcolm Riflkind and welcome him back from Thatcherite exile in Kensington and Chelsea - one of the few recorded successes of the Year of Homecoming."


David McLetchie:

"Last year I spoke at a conference in St Andrews on Saint Andrews' day and I told the audience that Saint Andrew had never set foot in Scotland; had never heard of Scotland; that Scotland, as Scotland did not exist when he was alive and that his connection with Scotland was tenuous to say the least, being based on a small bag of some of his bones being brought to Scotland by a Monk now known as Saint Rule. Nevertheless, he became Scotland's patron saint, which just goes to show that the less you do for this country of ours, the more you are appreciated. That is, of course, because nobody kent his faither."

Jim Sillars:

"When I won the Govan by-election, the poll tax was a very important and pertinent matter and I was always very grateful there wasn't a camera present at Govan Cross one day because I had just finished shouting, about 60 times, 'Ah'm no going tae pay Thatcher's poll tax".
"And a man came up to me and said 'Ah don't know what the hell you're talkin' aboot - she disnae stay here'."

And, as a bonus gag:

"Alistair Darling is the first Trotskyist who ever nationalised a bank and was unhappy about it."

For my money, Jim Sillars just about shaded the comedy, but his side was defeated in the debate, with a close win for the Blues confirmed only after a second show of hands.

You can read full coverage of the discussions in the Government and Public Affairs section of tomorrow's Scotsman.

Chris Mackie, edits the Scotsman's Government and Public Affairs pages where he will be providing a fuller write-up on Thursday.